Media

Double-O One over the Eight

Posted by Malcolm Toogood on December 13, 2013
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Is James Bond an alcoholic? Well, according to the British Medical Journal, yes.  This, of course, is the 007 of his originator Ian Fleming, not the metrosexual version proffered by the current film franchise, who will soon have him poncing about saving the planet in a Prius, complete with solar-powered stun guns and a humane spider trap.  Nevertheless, this new version is most-likely the more successful secret agent, not the original.  He was a lush.

Is James Bond an Alcoholic?

The report, compiled by several researchers who studied all fourteen original Bond novels, found that “after exclusion of days when Bond was unable to drink…” (presumably when he was unavoidably tied-up in a meeting contemplating a laser approaching his genitals)  “…his weekly alcohol consumption was over four times the recommended amount.”   Their conclusion:  “The level of functioning as displayed in the books is inconsistent with the physical, mental, and indeed sexual functioning expected from someone drinking this much alcohol.”  OK, but try telling Mary Goodnight that he wasn’t the Man with the Golden Gun. Continue Reading

Dear Billy-Goat Gruff – can you bring your Video Camera with you?

Posted by Malcolm Toogood on August 11, 2012
Posted in: London 2012 a view from the Couch, Media. Tagged: , , , .

Day Fourteen was a nearly day for Team GB, with two Silvers in the Sailing, in both the Men’s and Women’s 470 classes, plus Bronzes for the Women’s Hockey Team, Anthony Agogo at Middleweight in the Boxing and Lutalo Muhammad in Tae Kwondo.  There were a few heartaches as well, as both BMX riders comfortably made their respective finals, only to lose-out in the winner-takes-all one-race finals, our men’s hope Liam Fields crashing-out heavily on the last-but-one bend having held a medal position up to that point.

The BMX team from Brodo Asogi return home after receiving a phone call

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We’ve been expecting you, Mr Bond

Posted by Malcolm Toogood on August 9, 2012
Posted in: London 2012 a view from the Couch, Media. Tagged: , , , , , .

Day Twelve, and the first medal-less day for Team GB since that very first day of the Games.  But as we all waited in anticipation of the expected deluge of negativity on the BBC’s Ten o’clock News last night, details began to emerge of an even greater mystery surrounding the whereabouts of their Doommonger-in-Chief, David Bond.

No, he’s not in there – the BBC’s latest miniaturised death star is minutely examined for traces of their missing sports editor

His obvious absence at such a time of negative opportunity was clearly unexpected, and the BBC even took the unprecedented step of drafting-in the Governor of the Bank of England, Sir Mervyn King, to create the atmosphere of doom so badly needed at the end of such a disappointing day. Continue Reading

I’m a Troll, Fol-de-rol

Posted by Malcolm Toogood on July 31, 2012
Posted in: London 2012 a view from the Couch, Media. Tagged: , , , , , , , .

If it is possible to have such a thing as a spectacular Bronze Medal, then that was what the Team GB Men’s Gymnastic Team achieved yesterday, not only because it was the country’s first team medal in the sport for a hundred years, but also the manner in which it was won.

Over The Moon – one of the GB Eventing Team jumps them into second place overall

I was lucky-enough to arrive home in time to switch-on to see that last discipline, the Floor, live on TV.  At that point, Team GB were in fourth place and needed to better their equivalents from Ukraine, who were on the Rings, by at least point-two on each performance to get into the medals.  To put that in perspective, that was the Gymnastic competition equivalent of me giving Usain Bolt two metres start in a hundred-metre dash – and I’m not only flat-footed, but old enough to be his Grandad.

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The Road to Failure

Posted by Malcolm Toogood on July 29, 2012
Posted in: London 2012 a view from the Couch, Media. Tagged: , , , , , , .

And so we moved on to Day One of competition, with high-hopes for a golden start in the Road Race.  As it turned-out, that wasn’t to be, the result of which was the first reflected glint of light from the sharp tips of the BBC’s fangs.

The Peloton rushes past the Palace just after the start of the Mens Road Race

Not from the Olympic Sports presentation which, with the possible exception of a certain ex-England striker-turned-pundit, is sympathetic to the joys and sorrows of sporting endeavour – probably because the majority of them have themselves “been there and done that.”  Unfortunately, there are two strands of BBC coverage, and the other one, the 24-hour news part, is already bristling with negativity.

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