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All posts by Malcolm Toogood

If there is one manager in the Premier League who can be guaranteed to  make entertaining column inches from his interviews, it’s Chelsea’s ‘ Special One ’.  So it was no surprise that the back-page headlines this week were dominated by his comments after West Ham left Stamford Bridge with a doggedly-won point.   The quote that made the most headlines was: The only thing I could use was a Black and Decker to destroy their wall. That is not the best league in world football, this is football from the 19th Century.

Special One

I didn’t see the game, or any highlights, but the stats tell the story of just how one-sided a game it was.  With Chelsea having 72% of the possession, forcing 13 corners and making 39 attempts on goal, there wasn’t much in what remained of the game for West Ham to make too much of an impression on their opponents.  But perhaps the most telling fact as to why the home side dropped two points was their lowly nine shots on target, meaning that their manager’s complaints were born primarily out of frustration.   But were they also a fair reflection on the game in Victorian times? Continue Reading

On first examination, this title may sound like a weird attempt at finding a Googlewhack, but is actually a subject-combination encountered over the last couple of days that stirred memories from of my schooldays.   That echo from the past was the course name, cybernetics, that appeared on our school timetable at the start of my first term in the sixth form back in September 1966.

logic gates

It all started one evening last week when I had a discussion in the pub about sex-education in schools, during which I related my experiences all the way back in those cybernetics lessons, a name that suggested, at the time, that the lessons would be purely about logic gates, but somehow the other two aspects became features as well from time to time.  The next day I watched a Sylvester & Tweetie Pie cartoon with my granddaughter, during which the puddy-tat was distracted by a laser-pointer brandished by his yellow nemesis, and the serendipity was completed the day after by the receipt of an e-mail from a friend with a link to a support page from Google on how to set-up Gmail contacts.  OK, now I have confused you. let me explain. Continue Reading

We awakened this morning to the sound of inevitability – a three-day thrashing to complete an Ashes whitewash that was on the cards as soon as The Urn was lost pre-Christmas.  The story was a familiar one this winter – an opening session-and-a-half that had the Aussie top-order all back in the hutch for less than a ton, then the turnaround that culminated on day three in an England side all-out within 35 overs to lose by almost as many runs as they totalled in the match.

Ashes 2014

When three’s not a crowd – Peter, Urn and Michael

Back at the end of the summer series, I commented that there wasn’t much between these sides, and certainly the three-nil home series result was flattering.  It would seem that, in a very short time, the Aussie coaches used the relative adversity of that result to stoke-up the performance levels in their squad – and it worked.   Harris has carried-on his good work of the summer – that opener of the second innings in Perth that got Cook was one of the best innings-first-balls I have ever seen;  in fact, had I bowled one like that, I might just have announced my immediate retirement, knowing I would probably be unable to reproduce it. Continue Reading

Along with the usual crop of interesting new bands, we had the welcome return of a few old favourites in the shortlist for my Album of the Year 2013, one or two of whom have been away for too long.

aoty13

I suppose it is only to be expected in this world of instantly-downloadable individual tracks that back-catalogues are being visited by new generations of music-lovers, but it is still interesting to see the age-spread in the crowd for a gig by any big names of the previous century, when they make their return to the stage after a long absence. Such as when we visited the O2 back in June to see a band I hadn’t seen live for over 45 years – The Who. They came to Bath several times in the ‘sixties, and my main memory is of a cold November night in 1965 when hundreds of us, parka-clad, packed cheek-by jowell into The Pavilion, a venue only designed for half our numbers, in the hope of hearing something discernable come out of the crap PA. It didn’t, and nobody cared, but was it any wonder the band smashed-up all their kit at the end? Continue Reading

Is James Bond an alcoholic? Well, according to the British Medical Journal, yes.  This, of course, is the 007 of his originator Ian Fleming, not the metrosexual version proffered by the current film franchise, who will soon have him poncing about saving the planet in a Prius, complete with solar-powered stun guns and a humane spider trap.  Nevertheless, this new version is most-likely the more successful secret agent, not the original.  He was a lush.

Is James Bond an Alcoholic?

The report, compiled by several researchers who studied all fourteen original Bond novels, found that “after exclusion of days when Bond was unable to drink…” (presumably when he was unavoidably tied-up in a meeting contemplating a laser approaching his genitals)  “…his weekly alcohol consumption was over four times the recommended amount.”   Their conclusion:  “The level of functioning as displayed in the books is inconsistent with the physical, mental, and indeed sexual functioning expected from someone drinking this much alcohol.”  OK, but try telling Mary Goodnight that he wasn’t the Man with the Golden Gun. Continue Reading