Is James Bond an alcoholic? Well, according to the British Medical Journal, yes.  This, of course, is the 007 of his originator Ian Fleming, not the metrosexual version proffered by the current film franchise, who will soon have him poncing about saving the planet in a Prius, complete with solar-powered stun guns and a humane spider trap.  Nevertheless, this new version is most-likely the more successful secret agent, not the original.  He was a lush.

The report, compiled by several researchers who studied all fourteen original Bond novels, found that “after exclusion of days when Bond was unable to drink…” (presumably when he was unavoidably tied-up in a meeting contemplating a laser approaching his genitals)  “…his weekly alcohol consumption was over four times the recommended amount.”   Their conclusion:  “The level of functioning as displayed in the books is inconsistent with the physical, mental, and indeed sexual functioning expected from someone drinking this much alcohol.”  OK, but try telling Mary Goodnight that he wasn’t the Man with the Golden Gun. Continue Reading